Ode to El Beard

NEW BIDEO- singing ohgod

Lyrics:
Oh he's got the saddest tweets of any man I've ever known.
He's got the shyest package of any man I've wanted to bone.
He looks like a man,
He moves like a woman,
He picks up heavy objects like a God.
He's kind of old, he's a little grey, but I love him anyway.
His name- His name is El Beard.
His bark is rough but it's his bite that ought to be feared.
He flirts with every woman,
And he has sex with every man.
The only way he can get hard is with his mariachi band.
He cries the sorriest tears of any man who ever moaned.
He even cried after the sex that we had on the phone.
His name- His name is El Beard.
He's kind of cute.. But mostly.. Well mostly he's just weird.

Walkin round the club wit ya thong in ya mouth.

Put my dick in, take ya thong out.

 

Fairly accurate portrait of El Beard: The Man in Black of the 21st century.

My word, some cybwhorgs can be so raunchy.

The WNBA wasn't very well-known in Milton's day

Writing essays is like having sex (alternate title: my life is pathetic)

 

 

Too much exciting.

ALSO: What the fuck, does no one like Sherlock Holmes? I told someone it was my favorite movie in the last five years and they were like "..... Oh." THEN I DUMPED THEM.

Plus, with Raoul, I can do more than kiss and dry hump.

Crash crash craaash into a ditch - Just playin.

The Prettiest Princess

Also, buy me this:
Mine Till Midnight (The Hathaways, Book 1)

She had me goin' crazy, oh I was starstruck.

Delusions of a Sicko

Puppy Lesson #1

On Repeat